Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Randomize
