I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
