So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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