It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
