Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
