I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize