Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
