I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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