is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
