His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
