when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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