We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just gift wrapped bread.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
