You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
