Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
