I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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