Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
