just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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