i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
