Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
