Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
