I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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