My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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