if i can run in heels then i can drive
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
