I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
