Midget sex pt 2 tonight
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
