there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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