i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
