Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
