who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
