Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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