you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
