I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I have aggressive nipples.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
