hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
