I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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