Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
