I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
