i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
