I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
This girl is more easily done than said...
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
