i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
