Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
