I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
