'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
