I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
