GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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