A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
