i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She told me I should be a condom model.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
