I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
