Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
