I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
