college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
