I faked an abortion last night.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
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