So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
