Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
