you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
