Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
