I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
you never un-have a 4some
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
