i would punch a child for taco bell
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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