I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
