My first STD was from a foam party
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
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