I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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