Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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