this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
