you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
So apparently I’m into choking now
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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