He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
