He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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