is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
